Sunday, August 21, 2016

As you can see, I stopped blogging around the fall of last year. My husband was gone for training, and during this time, I found out my step dad was diagnosed with cancer. Stage four kidney cancer. It felt like a punch to the gut. It had spread to his lungs and liver and he had a partially prolapsed bladder. His doctor had given him 6 months or less to live. 
Hearing that really got me. I never in a million years expected to hear that from my parents. I mean, who does? I liked to live being na├»ve, imagining he would live forever. A little girl always dreams her closest parent is indestructible. He had come up to visit a few times and each time he looked different. Skinnier, more frail. But he still was himself and was fairly upbeat. Around the beginning of December(two weeks before our PCS to Colorado), my mom called and said we needed to come to Georgia. He was in the hospital and it wasn’t good. I cried as we waited for approval for emergency leave for Brendon. I feared we would drive only to not make it before he passed. I know he was doing his hardest to hang on for us. We made it into the hospital around 3am. We were so exhausted. He was SO happy to see us. 
At that point, he wanted to be home. So they set up hospice care. If you don’t know, Hospice care is basically care you get in home when you’re at the end of your life cycle or chronically ill. We spent a good week with him before heading back up to Fort Campbell. It was hard to say goodbye. Around 9, he called me because he just wanted to talk. We were stopped for our dinner. I cried because I think we both knew it was coming. He sounded at peace about it. We arrived home around 11 pm. A few hours later, my mom called me. I didn’t want to answer the call. I knew why she was calling. 
I was right. He had passed away 30 mins before she called. They were waiting for the hospice nurses and Doctor to come call his official time of death. The boys and I haven’t taken his death very well. We have since moved to Colorado, where Brendon deployed. I struggled. I have since been dismissed with clinical depression and anxiety. 
I want you to know that help is always out there. Some people will turn away from you, some don’t. The ones who don’t? They’re your true tribe. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be here today. I’ll be blogging a lot more from now on. 
Have a blessed Sunday. 

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